You’ve seen some realistic trade deadline scenarios for the Vancouver Canucks, but now, it’s time to look at some of the most absurd deals that could (probably not) happen. Most, if not all of these scenarios, will exceed the team’s allotted cap space — but that’s okay, because none of these are meant to be taken seriously. With that being said, here are some absurd trade deadline scenarios that will most likely never see the light of day.
Canucks Acquire Sidney Crosby, Evgeni Malkin, And Kris Letang
The Pittsburgh Penguins are in a rough position right now — they’ve committed to their stars, but can’t seem to put together the wins to send them into playoff contention. They’re currently seventh in the Metropolitan division and five points away from a wild card spot. In a shocking turn of events, Pittsburgh decides to speed up their rebuild by trading all of their star players. Who else could Pittsburgh General Manager Kyle Dubas call other than the team’s former GM, Jim Rutherford? Penguins icons Sidney Crosby, Evgeni Malkin, and Kris Letang are all shipped off to Vancouver in exchange for every single one of the Canucks’ draft picks in 2025.
Quinn Hughes “Retires,” Canucks Rebuild The Blueline
After the success of Quinn Hughes’ request to sign Kiefer Sherwood, the management team makes the decision to terminate Hughes’ contract and bring him in as an assistant GM. He oversees the reconstruction of Vancouver’s blueline, shipping out nearly every player and bringing in Cale Makar, Adam Fox, Rasmus Dahlin, and more big-name players. How does he do this? He threatens players by ending his retirement and telling them that he’ll break their ankles if they don’t request to be traded to Vancouver. Also, he acquires Jack and Luke Hughes from the New Jersey Devils.
Feeling Homesick, Vancouver Kids Come Back To BC
After yet another loss with the Chicago Blackhawks, Connor Bedard begins feeling homesick. He calls up his friend, Macklin Celebrini, who gives him the idea to request a trade back home. They are joined by other BC-based players such as Sam Reinhart, Mathew Barzal, and Morgan Rielly.
Vancouver Signs Michael Bublé To A One-Year Contract, Win Stanley Cup
Game day. Impossible to describe how much I love this team but if you give me the opportunity I will talk about it relentlessly until one of us falls asleep. @Canucks pic.twitter.com/u3drW56c4J
— Michael Bublé (@MichaelBuble) May 16, 2024
Fed up with his team having never…